Don’t Move (2013)

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Don’t Move reminds me of a guy telling a joke, and starting to explain it when nobody laughs. And then somebody stops him, “Yeah, we get it, it’s just not funny.” I’m not sure how to best describe the game (and I use the moniker game lightly here). It’s one of those experimental, high concept thingies that is less game and more someone being a smart ass, but sadly not in an enjoyable way. It’s an achievement simulator where all you can do is press left or right and see your character die an endless number of deaths, while unlocking various logical and sometimes less logical achievements, each bringing you closer to the finish line.

Even at the low price this thing is selling, it still feels like you’ve wasted time you could have used better otherwise.

The evil thing is, once you’ve started, you wonder if it gets better somehow, killing your character endlessly in the hope that something interesting turns up. But it really doesn’t. Quiet a good analogy for how achievements in general string you along with stupid tasks, but I wish the game had managed that in a way that is less boring (free flash games Upgrade Complete 1 and 2 manage to make the same point without being as boring).